Tubes? You’re older than you said you were!

You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the can eat more

Edit: holy shit, I just realized I got this wrong. I always laugh my fucking ass off at the “howler mummies”

Why must you drone on???

I’m gonna have to sue whoever said that to deal with the whiplash from my doubletake

lying piece of shit liar lies

I feel like you’re trying to imply something here…

I thought about the profits and now I totally get it. Why are so many people trying to hurt the innocent money???

How do prisoners survive prison? It’s a pretty similar concept

I like Pelosi, mostly cherry Pelosi. I’ll usually go for Coke or Dr. Pepper, but soda is soda and Pelosi is soda.

Are… Ummm… Is this flirting? Can’t it instead be “A penny taken bowling and then for ice cream” instead of going straight to pillaging?

“A penny saved is a penny earned!”
- Benji F

Nuh-uh! Americans can’t be terrorists cuz Americans kill the terrorist, like Malcolm X and Jamal Khashoggi… Wait, are we the bad guys?

chamber

chamber

^chamber

I don’t mean anything by this comment. I literally just wanted to make an echo. Anyway, fuck Rapey McShitprez

Stop it!

Okay, now do it some more…

Hey now, you’re an all star

I don’t get why people think this could possibly happen. No matter how much of an asshole, who in your neighborhood can afford so much mindflayer tadpoles altered with ancient netherese magic and weaponized by a villainous well-dressed triad for world domination that they can just shove them into Reeses all willy-nilly and hand them out to random kids. If you’re going through the trouble of illegally acquiring some mindflayer tadpoles altered with ancient netherese magic and weaponized by a villainous well-dressed triad for world domination, you’re not gonna shove them into candy on a lark. You’re gonna fucking use that shit.

I was blown away by the choice, underwhelmed by the experience, amused by the reaction. While I said I’d do it again, the comedy of the novelty will be absent.

Tried some that a friend brought over to a different friend’s apartment. Friend freaked out because his roommate gets upset about strong smells. 7/10, would eat that oddly unpleasant fruit again to ruin another friend’s apartment.

Do it. I fucking dare you. It’ll be fun to watch a media powerhouse and a douche meth lab burn each other down.

What a ridiculous lawsuit. The tenant should get $200 million and get to pull the rope that releases the landlord’s guillotine. Also, should get to flick the match that burns down the apartment complex.

I don’t fuck around with roaches.

I know my mom wasn’t a human being. She was an angel! Except for when she was abusing me horrifically. What do you call some sort of bipedal mammal that exists between heaven and hell and can destroy me with one sentence?