I agree. I think they’re looking at this wrong or maybe just picked a poor example of what they’re trying to explain. Talking about hobbies and things that excite you isn’t a red flag at all.
That’s it. Hobbies? Interesting musings? Sure. Even how their day was. But nobody is excited enough about mustard to hear about it for that long. Or people who “think out loud” they say something and I’m like “what?” They respond “just thinking out loud” or “talking to the dog” and then get mad at me for not listening to the important stuff because I simply don’t have the time or mental capacity to filter that.
But nobody is excited enough about mustard to hear about it for that long
I think this is different.
The issue is people who can’t read the room. People just blabbing and talking AT someone. That’s not even small talk. That’s just holding someone verbally hostage.
Right, but like I pointed out several times, they’re not any more excited about the mustard than I am. They just like hearing themselves talk. And it wasn’t about trying the new one, it was just 20 minutes about why the mustard she used to get wasnt good enough anymore. Like 20 minutes of mustard bashing just to say “I thought I’d like to try a new one”.
I’m sorry that’s a red flag. Some of us honestly just want to share what excites us with the person(s) who we are excited to be around.
I agree. I think they’re looking at this wrong or maybe just picked a poor example of what they’re trying to explain. Talking about hobbies and things that excite you isn’t a red flag at all.
That’s it. Hobbies? Interesting musings? Sure. Even how their day was. But nobody is excited enough about mustard to hear about it for that long. Or people who “think out loud” they say something and I’m like “what?” They respond “just thinking out loud” or “talking to the dog” and then get mad at me for not listening to the important stuff because I simply don’t have the time or mental capacity to filter that.
I think this is different.
The issue is people who can’t read the room. People just blabbing and talking AT someone. That’s not even small talk. That’s just holding someone verbally hostage.
Yes! Thank you! That was a better way to word it.
Some people are, but more importantly it’s about sharing your conversation partner’s excitement because you care about them, not the mustard.
(Also, life’s more fun when you let yourself be excited by the mundane. We all die some day.)
Right, but like I pointed out several times, they’re not any more excited about the mustard than I am. They just like hearing themselves talk. And it wasn’t about trying the new one, it was just 20 minutes about why the mustard she used to get wasnt good enough anymore. Like 20 minutes of mustard bashing just to say “I thought I’d like to try a new one”.
Obviously they were if they were talking about it for 20 minutes.
Small talk imo is those “feeler” questions. Hows the weather? See that thing on TV? How was traffic? You having the case of the Mondays?
It’s just noise to break the silence. I don’t have patience for it. Speak your intentions.
You wanna talk about your train collection? Do it. That’s not small talk, that’s a topic.
“I had the worse weekend. Can I tell you about it?” Straight to the point with their Intention.
“Did you know there’s a New Mustard based on ancient seeds found in Mongolia?” Real direct intention.